Early morning Tuesday. Well, fairly early morning. Walking with a lab mate, from yoga class to get coffee. Peaceful.Then...
The girl walking with me says "I hate the world."
"No you don't," I reply. "You just said you want to get an extra-large coffee. So you don't hate coffee. And the world has coffee, so you don't hate the world."
"No, but I hate the rest of the world."
We pass a car. An SUV actually. Not all that glamorous, and much more than a single student needs for transportation.
"I want this car. It's so nice. Why don't I have a car? It's not fair."
"Well, if you don't have a car, you also don't have car insurance, or car repair bills, and you don't have to pay for gas."
"Yeah that's true. But I want a car."
We pass another car.
"Or this one. It's not fair. I hate everything in the world. I want a car."
At this point, she reminds me of a spoiled two-year-old, whining for a new toy, instead of a 20-something researcher. It's hard for me to keep from rolling my eyes.
"Well, if you want a car, plan for it and you'll get one some day. Probably one prettier than those."
"Yeah I guess."
"I'm not used to being the positive one in our conversations."
And she more or less stopped whining then. Thankfully. She'd already spoiled my after-yoga peacefulness.
I'm not good at realizing when I'm feeling emotions - I usually bury them without even realizing I'm doing it - so it took me awhile, but this actually made me really, really angry. It's not the first time she's gone all melodramatic over something I view as pretty trivial.
Like whining about her lack of a hair tie (for 10 minutes) while I'm on my way to see my Mom in the hospital.
Okay, fine, you don't have a hair tie (at the moment) and you don't own a car (at the moment).
Big fucking deal. You can fix those problems.
It doesn't matter how badly I want it, or what I do, I can't fix Mom. Ever. I have a car, sure, but I use it to drive her to the hospital.
And you don't give me any sympathy whatsoever when I'm upset about things that are harder to fix than your problems. I try talking about how stressful it's been, having a Mom I love to death and who's been seriously ill since I was seven years old. Most of my life. Most of her life. And all you said was "Oh well, life's not fair, you know."
Yes, actually, I do fucking know.
You want a car? I'll give you mine. Just give me your kidneys and lungs so I can give them to Mom.
Seriously, grow up. Even I don't hate the world, and I've got more reason to than you.