Thursday, February 25, 2010

still too

I'm feeling somewhat better today (then again I am also drunk as I type this, at 6 in the morning, as I struggle with my insomnia).

I still think I'm too needy and dependent. I treasure my time with him and will go out of my way to plan my day around catching a few moments with him, even if it's just walking him to class. But he will not do the same for me. That much has become clear. I don't know whether I've suddenly become better at reading his negative emotions lately, or if he's just becoming more annoyed by my neediness lately. It doesn't really matter I guess; either way, it means I have to stop being so pathetically dependent on those moments.

There was a time when I wasn't dependent on anyone for anything. Now I'm wishing I'd stayed that way.

1 comment:

  1. So I have the same problem.
    I used to need no one.
    Didnt need any help.
    I was just fine on my own, thanks
    Then I met my ex
    And he destroyed me, worse than I could destroy myself.
    I opened up, and was torn down by it.
    So I closed again. And I said that I was done.
    No more people. Ever.
    I was going to live my life with no one else until I was dead of starvation.
    Until I met James.
    And he showed me why people open up.
    And why being perfect isolated, isnt the best solution.
    And even now, I'm convinced I'm too needy, he says he wishes I needed him more.

    I'm not saying its not hard.
    Im not saying that every person is the right person to give yourself to.
    I'm saying that make sure to check your perception.

    Because sometimes, boys are boys.
    Boys who dont realize what theyre doing.
    And sometimes we judge ourselves too much.

    I hope you're doing well!
    Love, Andy