Friday, March 26, 2010


I can't deal with being average. In anything.

I couldn't sleep last night.
I started trying to figure out why I'm such a perfectionist - which is something I've tried before, and made some progress at, but recent therapy sessions have pointed out some factors I hadn't considered before.

I started filling pages and pages of my tiny writing, scrawling out the things that made me what I am.

It's a time line, it started early on in my life, but it's so interconnected that it's no longer linear; the reasons overlap. The reasons reinforce each other. There is no changing it. I will always be this way.

It's so much a part of me, you might as well ask me to amputate a limb, as ask me to stop trying for perfection.

I cannot do it. I will not do it.

It is who I am.

And waiting for that letter is driving me mad...

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