Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Sometimes I wonder if I could become a qualified psychiatrist based on personal experience alone.

I'm amazed at how much help I'm being offered. I will soon have a "team" of psychiatrists, all working on different parts of what's wrong with me. It makes me this is a dream, I'll wake up and I will go back to being the way I was in January, before Mom was hospitalized and before I fought with Dad and before I made the first step towards talking to someone.

I really didn't think I needed this much support. I feel like I've cried more since January than I've ever let myself cry before. It's mainly been in therapy sessions, but still, I'm not used to letting myself cry. It's like I've buried everything bad that's ever happened to me in a pit deep inside myself, and I finally took a peek at that pit when I started talking to someone in January, and now I'm absolutely overwhelmed by how deep that pit is and how awful the things inside are, and part of me just wants to snap the lid back on and forget about all of that and carry on as if that pit doesn't exist. It's like now, that I've let myself start crying, I'm afraid I'll never be able to stop.


  1. Hey! Thanks for thinking my eyes are beautiful... They're one of my few favorite parts of me. ;)

    And yes, I'm using acrylic. Favorite medium, other than graphite. It's coming along nicely; I'll be sure to post an update when it's finished in a few days. :)

    Stay lovely...hang in there. We're all going to make it through this crazy, mixed up world of nonsense eventually...
    ...and then we'll have a big party.

  2. This is going to be sooooo good for you. It's the beginning to a great end, J. Trust the process.